Thursday, December 29, 2005

Happy (insert name of your preferred holiday here).

Merry Christmas
Happy (C)hanukkah
Happy Yule
Happy Kwaanza
Merry Solstice

"May the God of your choice bless you!"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Missing: Hot White Chick

Can't we just put Natalie Holloway's picture on a milk carton and move on to something else?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Proof that I will never be a conservative

I am not angry that President Bush nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme court rather than nominating a "true conservative". I'm more suspicious that he has nominated his own lawyer to the Supreme Court.

Monday, October 03, 2005

War exists... remind people that things, in fact, can be worse.

Friday, September 30, 2005

"Okay, I remember Kate Winslet nearly drowning, but...

...what other movies is she referring to?" For those who are curious and can only pick out Titanic and Finding Neverland from Kate Winslet's commercial for a certain charge card, here is a transcription of part of the commercial with the corresponding movie indicated in parentheses:

At 17, I went to prison for murder....(Heavenly Creatures)

By 19, I was penniless and heartbroken...(Sense And Sensibility)

I almost drowned at 20...(Titanic)

My mind started to go at 24...(Iris)

Then, I had my memory erased at 28...(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

And by 29, I was in Neverland...(Finding Neverland)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Is INXS really worth all of this?!

Okay, I hate to admit it, but I've become addicted to Rock Star: INXS.

For those who don't know, this show is a competition, similar to American Idol, except the singers are all rockers and the prize is to become the new singer for INXS (whose original singer was found dead in a hotel room some years ago). The winner will sing on the new album and go on tour.

Now, I know that INXS hasn't had a hit song in fifteen years. I know that their last four albums tanked. I know that this show is just another one of Mark Burnett's ploys to separate me from my spare time. It doesn't matter. I'm hooked.

Actually, that's not true. I'm not hooked. The people on the Rock Star: INXS message boards are hooked. I will admit that I have grown to like and dislike certain contestants, but some of the people on these boards are so dedicated to their favorite singer that they act like their very existence depends on their fave becoming the next singer of INXS. They get SOOOOOO worked up. They gush over the object of their fandom. They insult other singers in the competition. They get mad at Mark Burnett for editing the shows to make their singer look bad. They get mad at INXS because, "Can't they see how perfect he is for them. They'll be nothing if they don't pick him. I love him". Aw. It's like Ipecac For The Soul.

This particular bit of insanity prompted me to contribute my own bit wisdom. Given the level of dialogue that I had already experienced, I was inspired to select the screen name CalmDown. This pales in comparison to the individual who started a thread based on the exploits of a fictional contestant. It has taken on a life of its own and consists of over a thousand posts. Of course, the genesis of this thread was to mock the hysterical zealots in the other threads.

What is so hilarious about these poor souls is that they don't seem to realize that becoming the next singer for INXS could very well be career suicide. After all, how many bands are accepted after they change lead singer. Not very many. The statistics are even worse for bands who had already jumped the shark (as INXS had).

No disrespect to INXS. This show has already jumpstarted their career and I hope they make some good music regardless of who they select. Odds are, they won't.

If these pathetic protoplasm are really fans of [insert name of singer here] and had any sense of intelligence, they'd prefer that their messiah go off and create his own congregation. I don't understand why the selection of a new INXS singer is a matter of life and death. (Especially since there already is a matter of life or death currently in progress.)

I think that the three runners-up of the four that are left in the competition would be better off losing. They've already got more worldwide exposure than they ever thought they could have, not to mention, loyal followings. Time to bid INXS adieu and create new music as INXS struggles to become relevant again.

Of course, I'm sure that if Mark Burnett's wet dreams are realized, the winner will turn down INXS anyway. Wouldn't that be great television?!

Yes! I'm ready for some football.

This has been one of the best football weekends ever, as far as I'm concerned. Texas beat Ohio State. The Cowboys beat the Chargers. The Eagles LOST! The Saints scored their first TD after a magnificent opening drive and I almost cried.

Life is good.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


With regard to the government's delayed response in aiding and rescuing the victims of Hurricane Katrina, I will summarize:

The conservative talk show hosts are blaming Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco.

The liberal talk show hosts are blaming President Bush.

The bottom line is that they are all to blame.

Mayor Nagin did not send buses to get poor people out of the city prior to the storm hitting land.

Governor Blanco prevented the Red Cross to send food and to the Superdome and the Convention Center prior to the storm hitting land. She has, also, shown herself to be one of the worst procrastinators the world has ever seen.

President Bush appointed a totally incompetent individual to head FEMA. He, also, appointed an individual with absolutely no disaster relief experience to head the Department of Homeland Security. Oh, and he sent the National Guard divisions that were trained for hurricane relief in the New Orleans area to Iraq.

There. That's it. No need to listen to the stupid talk shows. Now get back to your life and help somebody, if you can.